I feel so depressed and i want someone to talk to?

I have been trying to understand depression and I am beginning to think it has little to do with what is happening in your life but how your body is working and your brain. When I was depressed for a long time my husband would say "be careful" when I left the house. Be careful meant "it is very dangerous outside" "if you go out you may not live" "there are many dangerous things outside you may not be safe", but when I am not depressed he says "be careful" and I say OK, bye, and think nothing more of it. Sometimes depression is just not having an interest in life, sometimes it is just sleeping and feeling good while you do, sometimes it is sadness, and sometimes you do feel like cutting yourself. The best thing you can do is watch the process, maybe make notes on how you feel and why, and just be the watcher watching yourself watch yourself, as long as you remain detached you don't have to go into the valley of depression but can stay on the mountaintops. I know that is a lot to think about...I got over my depression by getting the amino acid Tryptophan, which helps your body make seratonin, which is a hormone makes you feel good. For some reason some people can't seem to digest this amino acid from food. But you can try theres a lot of it in turkey. You can look it up on the internet and read about it. A lot of people just use St John's Wort, in Europe it is almost all they use. It is an herb and you can buy it at the health food store. It is not your fault you are depressed, but if you can watch yourself, and detach yourself from the depression like watch it but don't get involved in it...and writing a diary or just typing on notepad how you feel, you can always delete it afterward, is as helpful or more helpful than talking to someone. You are pro not going to talk yourself out of being depressed, but going outside and walking is very very good. I also found out with the Tryptophan, which is part of a protien your body cannot make except from food that this 5HTP is important, the Tryptophan turns into 5HTP and then your body makes seratonin. One capsule of 5HTP and my depression is magically gone for 5 days now....I have most of my first memories starting when I was 13, and I was just starting to be smart a little, 13 year olds these days are much smarter than I was, so I don't know if you can understand this, I hope so, when I was 13 I wanted to run away, I was going to go hide in my friends friends hayloft of their barn...I had mood swings from being depressed to being super-charged, and I guess my mom treated me real bad cuz I was not fitting in her picture of what a "perfect" child should be. It wasn't my fault, as it isn't yours. LIfe is still worth living, and when you get suicidal thoughts, look away, think of something else, the more you look away, the easier it will get, do not give such thoughts a home. This I learned from my mom, although she wasn't perfect, she is the bravest person I know, and she told me this is how she does it. Distract yourself, and look away, watch yourself, and know it is just something that will p and things will get better. All kinds of wonderful things can happen in your life, it is well worth living. You can create a sanctuary by imagining the perfect place you can live and have everything you want, I have designed mine and thats where I go to escape. I have spent thousands of hours designing mine! but it is my place of peace and serenity and where I go to renew myself and escape all the problems of life! I think my being depressed is what led me to where I am and who I am today, in my search for God and meaning in my life, and I thank God for everything, because I have something to learn from everything comes my way, He does not promise our life to be easy, but He is there to be with us through all things. Some of these things I say, even if you do not understand them now, may come back to you in times of need in the future. My grandmother taught me to do beadwork when I was little, I didn't understand a word she said, but later I knew how to do it, so I hope some of this will help you now or later, it is all I know to help you, I know the depression will come back sooner or later, but I will know it is just my body not functioning right, and it will p, and stop blaming it on everyone else! Which I have done a lot! lol another thing about depression is you write things and then they sound dumb, I tear up all the letters I write "Letters written, never meaning to send" like the song, even tore up 2 books I wrote! So, if you want to delete this, its like totally okay lol good luck